I will try to work my way through some questionable stuff that is dished up in the name of tantra.

Tantric sex expert: Tantric sex is an ancient Eastern spiritual practice dating back 5000 years. Quite a statement indeed. Tantra exists for many thousands of years and is only and erroneously linked to sex less than 50 years ago. To statement that tantric sex is 5000 years old is not only wrong but really tells us a lot about Western tantra experts and Western tantra students regarding facts.

Tantric sex expert: Like yoga or Zen, the purpose of tantric sex is enlightenment. Sex and orgasm equal spiritual awareness at its peak. I have to contain my amazement with this statement. If I follow the rational behind this statement then everyone who had sex and orgasm is enlightened. It will be good to share this view with people and tap into the power of an earth filled with enlightened people.

Tantric sex expert: The Shiva male energy and Shakti female energy join in one sexual union; it’s believed to be the highest point of enlightenment. My first reaction is that I did not know that energy has gender and secondly, I didn’t know that there are levels of enlightenment. It is almost like being a little bit pregnant or being at the peak of being pregnant.

Tantric sex expert: Using your breath can spread orgasmic energy from your genitals through your entire body. This all-over tingling leads to a more intimate connection with your partner. It is amazing that we are told that the breath spreads this tingling, here defined as orgasmic energy throughout the body. Why can’t the orgasmic energy do it by itself, why does it depend on the breath? One again we are stuck with a concept of “more” intimate as if intimacy has several layers.

Tantric sex expert: Tantric instructors promise that in addition to fuller orgasms, women experience them more quickly since they learn to become more relaxed and sensitised. OK, women are the ones who need special help, special methods and special attention to get sensitised. I just don’t get it, are we to believe that women are sexually insensitive?

Tantric sex expert: If you’ve lost connection with your partner, exploring tantric sex can transform your love life. Here we hear that tantric sex is a way to bring two people together while beautiful natural human instinct is trying to get them further apart so that they can wake up to their life roles as procreators. Tantra is an awareness technique that hands people opportunities to be aware of what is and not what should be.

Tantric sex expert: Nitya Lacroix, author of The Art of Tantric Sex, explains to Cosmopolitan magazine that the focus on the full sexual journey is possible by harmonizing sexual rhythms. My understanding of sex is that whenever you do the same thing more than a few times, when you have harmonised the rhythm, then it becomes boring.

Tantric sex expert: The end goal of traditional sex is to climax, while tantric sex is all about connecting your bodies, heightening your intimacy and to prolong orgasm. What I have learned about tantra is that there is no need to prolong anything, especially orgasm as it is important to know who you are in this expression of your natural human instinct to procreate and not how you do it.

Tantric sex expert: This position called Yab-Yum is a symbol of divine union between a man and a woman. In this position where a woman sits on the lap of a man while he sits crossed legged on the floor there is definitely a sensation of newness. Why it is called divine I don’t understand, should we call everything we don’t understand divine?

Tantric sex expert: Devika Singh, a tantric sex and relationship coach, advices people to lock the gaze of the eyes and to synchronize the breath. This aspect of breath work hints on meditation as breath work is a method widely used in the practice of meditation. Unfortunately, we are not told how meditation and tantra synchronise.

Tantric sex expert: Maisha Najuma Aza, a shamanic healer and tantric shaman encourages people to get naked, energetically naked even to the point of being vulnerable. If this refers to people being vulnerable to what natural human instinct is doing through them, then I applaud it whole heartedly. If it means that mindsets should be tinkered with to allow new experiences then I frown upon it.

Tantric sex expert: Listen to the sounds your partner makes and any feedback they give you. This advice is all about an emotional bond between two people. An emotional bond isn’t equal to intimacy. Emotional bonds need to be built and supported while intimacy exists by itself and in abundance. Instinct uses a woman as the representation of nature as she selects and she signals all that instinct wants her to share. The man has instinct as he will respond to what instinct hands him through the women.

Tantric sex expert: Maintain eye contact throughout your sensual sex session for as long as you can so that you can read what your partner really wants. If this implies that it is the responsibility of one of the partners to satisfy the other, then I have a big problem with that statement. There is no responsibility from either partner to satisfy the other as both partners have the responsibility to satisfy their instinct and not the other.

Tantric sex expert: As you breathe in through your nose, take in your partner’s natural scent. I can support this wholeheartedly if it means that I hand myself over to natural human instinct as pheromones are big role players in the process. If it means that I have to rationally analyse it and make some decisions, then I withdraw my support.

Tantric sex expert: Moans are great, but naughty words are better. Whether it is about moaning or talking, the same principle applies. It isn’t what you do, it is all about who is doing it. If you are a person who has decided to give pleasure then you are a giver and focussed on the other. If you are there to take what comes your way then you are a receiver and the focus is on that. Tantra hands you an opportunity to be the instinct that runs through you, to be aware of what instinct is using your body for, this is tantra’s job and nothing else.

Tantric sex expert: Touch your partner with purpose, never rushing into intercourse or toward orgasm. Once again, the question is who you are when you perform this purposeful touch. When a woman is in menstruation, she feels both happy and sad about it. Happy that there isn’t another foetus growing in her or sad that there isn’t another foetus growing in her. From menstruation to ovulation she will prefer to receive touch that is revealing the masculinity of her partner. On ovulation she would like to be taken, to have sex and not to faff around for hours. From ovulation to menstruation she would like her partner to reveal his taking care expertise. So, I can’t condone this blanket statement of taking your time as it is just a stab in the dark. There are three ancient awareness techniques that hand us the opportunity to be clear and aware, so, no need for a mind based sexual ignorance.


Let’s look at what Western tantra experts say about a man performing tantric sex:

Tantric sex will set you apart from every other man on the planet and women will remember you for the rest of their lives as the focus of tantric sex is to help females enjoy sexual activity more. A normal man reaches climax much faster than a woman leaving the woman unsatisfied.

It is further said that tantra beginners most likely want to end the session with an orgasm, which is totally fine, as long as you were present throughout the act. As you go through explorative tantric sex and then followed by intercourse, you should keep the movements slow, till you feel close to orgasm, stop and allow yourself to come back down for a few minutes, then return to penetrative sex.

The repeated flow of movement between increased excitement and cooling down, the postponement of the orgasm, that is super sex after all. This might not be accomplished on the first attempt but with practice, this technique can help you reach the peak of sexual pleasure for long periods of time.


The term tantra can raise images of sizzling marathon sex sessions and mystical orgasms and that a man can give a woman the best orgasm she’s ever had. According this statement it appears that tantra can be equalled to orgasm. Tantra is more about being in the moment and riding a wave of sensation and arousal.

To have extended full body orgasms during tantric sex raises the question about what orgasm is. The focus on getting that one massive orgasm at the end is somehow contrasted with having tons of other “orgasmic joys” happening in your body along the way. It seems like people can be orgasmic as well as people can have orgasms.




It is said that deep eye contact with your partner can make your sexual experiences a lot more intense. Often eye contact is referred to as something to do during sex but we have to remember that eye contact is even more important during the mating stage, long before the clothes come off.

Sit in a comfortable place so that both partners can look directly into each other’s eyes. It is perfectly OK to start with the eyes closed. When both are ready then they can open their eyes and gaze at a fixed point between the partner’s eyes.


A deep tantric experience demands that both partners are fully in the moment. To be thinking about work or getting a snack will be interpreted as being absent by the other partner. Even the touch will feel rushed and might even be irritating to the receiver when both aren’t fully present. The way to make sure that both partners are in a meditative state, that both partners are fully present, is to breathe deeply and slowly from the diaphragm.

It is even possible to interplay between synchronised breathing and alternating breathing. Some couples even put their moths together and breathe the same air for several breaths.


Transform your bedroom by removing all visual clutter. It can also be covered by sheets that will evoke a distinctly different atmosphere instantly. Assault the senses with multi coloured flowers, sprinkle aromatherapy oils all over, light scented candles, have fresh fruits available, prepare glasses with water in several locations and never forget the chocolates.


Prepare your favourite rhythmic music, blast the room with sound, stand with legs hip-width apart, breathe through the mouth and make a sound on the outbreath that can travel through the whole body. Start shaking the legs, the head, the butt and the arms for many minutes.


Sit on a yoga mat on the floor, he bends his legs and invites her to sit on his lap. Begin rocking like being in a rocking chair, moving your chest forward as you inhale, and rocking back as you exhale. Start breathing rhythmically and then faster and faster.

Then, when both can’t breathe faster, tighten all the muscles of the body, take a deep breath and hold the breath for as much as you can. You can hold it longer than you think you can. On the outbreath, let go with a deep roar and experience full body orgasmic sensation in your spine.


She sits on his lap and you two rock together; the one is inhaling while the other is exhaling and vice versa. Bring the lips together and as he breathes out, she breaths the same air in. Taking your partner’s breath into your body can create the same sensation as someone touching your sex organs.

On the exhale, be conscious to share all of yourself with your partner by imagining that you become part of the partner you are with. It might even feel like you are having intercourse as you’re so merged.


Tantra is also about the emotional and sensory experience between two people.  One has to stimulate all the senses, from the taste, the touch, the sight, the smell as well as the sound. Tantra isn’t only to improve the physicality of sex but also to deploy the richness of existing intimacy between people.

Try to heightened the acuteness of a sense organ by blindfolding her and offering a variety of non-visual stimulations. The same can be done with sound by playing a soundtrack of thunder and rain after some deafly silence.

Imagine what you can create with essential oils, spices of cinnamon and vanilla, not to forget the taste of various small portions of many kinds of chocolate. For touch you can try caressing her body with silk or feathers, not to forget your tongue.


Sit cross-legged on a yoga mat on the floor and let her sit on your lap, with her legs around your waist and her feet on the ground behind you. The man sits with his hands on his knees and she can do whatever she wants as long as her feet stays on the ground. Share the breath, share the air you breathe. Celebrate the intimacy of bare skin touching bare skin. He opens his legs and let her drop backwards. He offers his lingam in front of her yoni and she can start a slow and gently thrust if she wants to.


To learn how to have full body orgasms is one of the gifts of tantra to humans. There is a huge difference between orgasm and ejaculation in a man. They do not go together although they are one and the same to the unaware man. The best way to reach this is to practice reaching the point just before orgasm and then to relax. Repeat this procedure by using your breath.

While you are in an aroused state, it is good to clench the PC muscle and consciously draw up all the air you can into your lungs, to hold it for as long as you can before you let go with a huge outbreath. This will allow you to spread the orgasmic energy throughout your entire body.


Awareness isn’t consciousness or knowledge. Consciousness and knowledge can always be used to do something, it can be transformed into an action. Awareness is always a recognition of what has happened and never an intention or a mental activity.

Awareness is about what “is” and not about what can or should be. The only permanent constant aspect of a human is their natural instinct. One can’t concoct a recipe for successful sex. One can become aware of what instinct brewed up in you so that you can have sex without having your mind involved.

Awareness can be sharpened by practicing the three ancient awareness techniques of meditation yoga and tantra.


Does your practice of sex lead you to take control and interfere or does it hand you the opportunity be amazed by what just happened in and through you?

-Martin du Toit