Your relationship with meditation might depend on a meditation app, maybe even a meditation book or a how to meditate article on a blog or video. Instead of becoming a meditation guru you might became a frustration guru. Most people will blame themselves first, which is very unfortunate. Others will blame the information source and a small percentage will question the technique of meditation itself.
When too much and too prolonged stress takes its toll on the body, then people realise that their normal sexual patterns are interrupted, that things slowed down and that the excitement is gone. It is as if the frequency and quality of sexual intercourse start to act as a barometer of the influence of stress on their lives. The more stress, the less sex and vice versa. Sex is seen as a Zen moment, it’s seen as a moment of truth, especially the having of an orgasm for women and not having it too soon for men.
The inability to celebrate intimacy and the deep connection with a partner is often explained with being too much in the head to enjoy anything. To be too much and too often in one’s head is something that most people fear and do not know how to deal with. The inability to escape the mind drives people to seek help in the form of self-help techniques, especially meditation, yoga and tantra.
The simple idea to have a technique to practice when dealing with procreation issues, this very idea gave rise to the development of meditation. This happened more than ten thousand years ago and is still practiced today. Unfortunately, meditation became distorted and is consumed as something that can teach you to be more present and calmer in your daily life.
The same fate happened to yoga as it now appears to be special gymnastics with a spiritual sauce. Tantra did not escape this onslaught as it is used to practice slow sex, which supposedly leads to prolonged orgasms. Awareness techniques got drawn into the domain of rational thought, as a specific issue should be addressed in a specific manner. The focus on the benefits to be gained, deforms the technique so that the temporary and foolish goals can be reached.
Meditation indeed has to do with human procreational instinct. Monks sitting in meditation sessions for hours a day do it because they reap a lot of sexual flow rewards, as instinct flows freely within their bodies. Modern Western meditation practices promise to help one to explore different kinds of orgasms, sensual breathing patterns and slow self-pleasuring. Meditation as an awareness technique doesn’t have any interest in changing, bettering, enlarging or prolonging anything whatsoever. Meditation is a technique that hands us opportunities to observe what is in us and it is not about what something should be.
People find it awkward when they start meditating on what their procreation instinct consists of. Most find it difficult to focus their thoughts on one thing, especially if they choose topics like different types of orgasms or foreplay. The way to meditate on procreational instinct is to observe how you interact with others during the different stages of the ovulation cycle of the female partner. Meditation hands opportunities to become more aware of one’s own desires, as per the ovulation cycle.
To practice a sensual breast massage, a slow self-pleasuring or even a passionate masturbation session, function well as a form of stress release. Through exercises like this, people can become aware of the release of stress and of the life force of procreation instinct that surges in and through them. Should you want to observe better, should you want to be more aware and should you want a shortcut to heightened awareness, then you should meditate on the sexual energy that flows through you.
Meditation doesn’t happen when you sit quietly, facing a wall and attempting to clear all thoughts. Taking the time to clear the unwanted items from the outside world that heaps up between you and those dearest to you can’t be called meditation. The practice of any form of procreational instinct, the becoming aware of what is happening in you without you having had to plan anything, that is the essence of meditation.
The concept of partnering, of dealing with multiple partner interactions and role assignments, this is the primary aspect to be observed during meditation. Mediation doesn’t take guidance from the mind; it doesn’t narrow down the options and it doesn’t exclude anything that you were unable to fathom with your mind. For the beginner it is easy to focus on partnering and all it entails.
The Zen approach to sex isn’t the experimentation of different kinds of interactions with different partners, it’s about an awareness how procreational instinct experiment with you, in an attempt to get you to reproduce, i.e. to copy your genes. Awareness happens when you are surprised by what ingenious and mind-blowing things procreational instinct can perform with your body and being. Awareness leads to saying “whoa!” and rational consciousness leads to saying “why?”.
Beautiful natural human instinct causes subtle but powerfully sensual attractions between people. It has nothing to do with their own efforts, it has nothing to do with their own plans for enjoying every little moment between them. People are advised to stop chasing orgasms, to keep breathing with each other, to be more focused on the body’s enjoyment and to connected to themselves and therefore with their partners. It is better to become aware of what the body does instinctually rather than engineering a specific behaviour.
These are all mental, mind-based self-help schemes that unravel very soon after they have delighted the mind for a short time. The anchoring of this approach is on the consciousness, the understanding of what to do and when to do what. Most of the time the partner becomes the focus of attention, of desired behavioural patterns and of subtle demands.
When the anchoring is non-mind-based, when the anchoring is in the awareness of what instinct uses them for, then people start to flow with what is happening through them, then they have the perfect excuse to blame and bless instinct instead of their partners. When people understand that both of them are willing victims of instinct, then partnering becomes alive and interesting.
Find a meditation routine that you want to stick with. It isn’t about when you meditate, where you meditate and for how long you meditate, it’s about “on what” do you meditate. Meditating for better sex works for a limited period, mindfulness techniques really help you get in touch with yourself but it dries up too soon for being a catalyst for change.
To meditate for a few minutes when you become aware of the surge of sexual energy throughout your body is more than enough to bring about everlasting change. Meditation is a technique to observe and flow with the awareness of procreation instinct that is a permanent reality of your life and any change built on that foundation will weather any storm.
WHAT YOU SEE WHEN YOU MEDITATE ON SEX
It seems to be high fashion to find out when it is the best time to have sex. There’s no right or wrong time to have sex but certain days and times seem to be more popular than others. Saturday nights seem to be the most sought-after time. Maybe it is because people don’t usually have work the next morning and couples having had a romantic night out before going to the bedroom.
The least popular day of the week to have sex seems to be a Monday and it also looks like sex drives vary by season as people prefer the summer months. For many couples, though, the timing of sex is just a matter of convenience and mind-based reality driven.
The female human body follows a cycle over a 28-day period that regulates four distinct orientations towards sex:
- On menstruation there can be a mixed bag of feelings which range from feeling happy to feeling sad about the fact that she did not conceive.
- From menstruation to ovulation there are 12 days to scrutinise various men as to how they respond to her built-up period to conceive during the approaching ovulation days.
- On ovulation her body prepares her to be taken in an attempt to conceive.
- After ovulation, the 12-day period towards menstruation (or pregnancy) she is once again scrutinising men to see how they can fit into a taking care role, should there be an offspring.
Sooner or later, mind-based convenience sexuality always run out of steam and into low libido trouble. The mindsets concocted for sexual expression aren’t solid enough to maintain any intimacy as it is based on certain artificial orientations and roles towards each other. Instinct based sexuality, especially when the ovulation cycle of the women is followed, leads to fulfilment as instinct is powered from an ever-replenishing source and stays shockingly interesting throughout.
ORGASMIC MEDITATION, YOGA AND TANTRA
Once again, the question is whether you meditate to have an orgasm or do you meditate whether you have an orgasm or not. Meditation is never about an outcome, it’s never about changing towards something else; meditation is about having the opportunity to see clearly all that you have forgotten about your natural human instinct, all that you were blinded about, all that is ready to be expressed through you.
Orgasmic meditation, as it is practiced in the West, includes the stroking the upper left quadrant of the clitoris a 1000 times and then grounding the vulva by being cupped by a hand for several minutes. This prolonged touch is seen as a form of meditation, which in fact has nothing to do with meditation whatsoever. Meditation is a technique to observe what is naturally and instinctually and not what is reached when a specific scheme of events is followed.
The mind-based orientation to meditation has a devoted following of people who believe it improves their intuition, improves their relationships and helps them overcome sexual shame. Some people even orientate them in sharing on a regular basis, some might even share accommodation long term. The principle behind it all is to be mindful about their desire in their everyday lives.
Meditation, yoga and tantra are exactly the opposite of what is put together in this scenario. Awareness excludes mental planning towards a goal. The moment you analyse procreation instinct then it loses all it’s magic. The moment you plan or guide sexual behaviour then it loses it’s passion. Meditation is an awareness technique that hands opportunities to observe all that is happening regarding procreation instinct, that very moment.
Yoga is an awareness technique that hands people opportunities to feel what is in them and tantra hands opportunities to share what is in them. Not one single aspect of procreation instinct requires the rationally processing and planning structures of the mind. Awareness hand people a glimpse of what is happening in and through them so that life can fulfil its task, so that genes can be copied and that life can run its course with human beings.
WHAT DOES MEDITATION AND ORGASM HAVE IN COMMON?
It is often said that shutting off your brain is technically a state of higher consciousness. Technically, it’s not possible to shut off your brain. What is possible is to enter another reality, a reality fuelled by awareness and not by consciousness. Awareness releases a “whoa” about life and consciousness releases a “why” about life.
Orgasms are instinct based and therefore non-mind based. Meditation is awareness based and therefore also non-mind based. In this sense meditation and orgasm walk the same path. The difference is that mediation can observe the orgasm and not the other way around.
First people talked about yogasms, then about medigasms and I’m waiting for tangasms, just to complete the meditation, yoga and tantra awareness techniques trilogy. Orgasm is a side effect of admiring your natural human procreational instinct. Practicing awareness techniques allows you to be aware of what is happening in your life, whether you know or not.
To experience a trance state during meditation and the mental shutdown during sex are both superficial interpretations of meditation and of procreational sex. It is not suggested that everyone should have many children, it is not suggested that people should only have sex for procreational purposes, it is suggested that people should be aware of the life force that flows through them and synchronise their behaviour and mental orientation.
Meditation and orgasm do not induce the diminution of self-awareness and alter bodily perception, on the contrary, it heightens the awareness of how life uses people to accomplish its goals. The individual has the choice to negate that influence or to embrace and flow with it.
To go into the gap, to go to a place that is without words; that place is called awareness and the awareness is about the natural beautiful human procreational instinct that occupies most of our body and mind and behaviour.
MEDITATION, YOGA AND TANTRA ARE HARD TO DO
Meditation is commonly considered to be something beneficial for everyone but it also has a reputation of being hard to do. Many Western organisations take a new approach to meditation in an effort to make it contemporary, relevant and accessible to the masses. Different types of meditations were created depending on what your goal is. I find this quite disturbing as meditation has its own built in goal as an awareness technique. It isn’t possible to use meditation to reduce stress, to boost productivity, to increase creativity, emotional intelligence or empathy.
Research has shown that meditation and exercise can be important tools for fighting symptoms of depression but a new study has found that they’re even better when used together. This is the typical path that people in the West takes with any Eastern awareness concept; if it is too difficult then mix it with something else! Instead of using meditation for what it was designed for, people add a sweet sauce to make it more palatable. Meditation doesn’t need help from any other discipline to reveal all the opportunities it has on offer.
Exercise has been shown to increase brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), a brain protein that promotes neural growth and new learning, something which is necessary for building coping strategies for new learning and new habits. In the studies it isn’t clear what the new learning and new habits are for. Obviously, it isn’t for learning about procreational instinct as there is nothing to learn, it’s all there, it is neatly packaged with energy boosters and user manuals included.
Researchers have linked meditation to greater activity in the areas of the brain associated with emotional control, the ability to step away from your experience allows you to consider healthier choices and engage more effective managing of situations. When meditation is seen as a tool to encourage people to make a conscious effort to step away from their feelings and experiences and to simply observe them, then once again it violates the essence of meditation.
Meditation is about handing people opportunities to observe what is happening in all aspects of their natural instinctual procreational life. It also includes the associated mindsets people make up regarding their procreational instinct. Meditation shows you what is happening in you and what you do with it. Meditation is a technique to hand you an opportunity to be aware of yourself as a living entity, as a programmed individual to fulfil the goals of life as it unfolds through you.
When people meditate on their procreational instinct then it always ends up with a whoa. Within the span of a few minutes of meditating on their procreational instinct, people had “psychoanalyzed” their own sexual habits and have learned something new about themselves.
People “feel” each other all the time. There is an existing intimacy that manifests itself every time we come in close contact with someone. There is no need to create intimacy, there is no shortage of intimacy, the only requirement is that we open ourselves and celebrate the intimacy that exists in abundance. When people transform the awareness about existing intimacy into a consciousness about intimacy, that very moment natural procreational instinct goes underground and people have to fake and fabricate intimacy.
Practicing meditation, yoga and tantra becomes hard when it is taken out of context, when it’s applied to remedy something and becomes violated to the core. Meditation, yoga and tantra were born from the deep yearning to have a shortcut to awareness about the observation of procreation instinct, something that allows us to smile and to sigh “whoa”!
Through practicing awareness techniques, people get exposed to a new way to be fuelled for life, something very different from being fueled by consciousness. Through awareness people experience an openness towards a community of sharing individuals. People feel comfortable with looking into each other’s eyes for longer than what they are used to. The talking about procreational instinct make people anxious but the celebration of awareness empowers people to live authentic lives.
-Martin du Toit